+ Choose Joy +

There it is. .another lull in my posts. haha It seems when things are going well that I post less. So take it as a good sign. Life seems to just slip by me these days. A week goes by and I don't even remember what happened. Not sure if that's a good thing but in reality I have nothing to write about. I've become so routine based that days are meshing together. I have nothing to complain about. MY relationship with Luke and the love I have for him grows stronger everyday and my relationships with friends and family are something I'm so thankful for. Praying for God to shake me up a bit. Knock me on my butt so I'll come running to him again. This routine is also made me take some steps back from relying on God...

Moving away from where I grew up from gave me a new start to be the person I want to be. And for that I am thankful.

I was kind of inspired for this post by a girl who wrote about her journey with mental illness. Yes, I know for sure that I have also been exposed to the truth that I have also struggled with it. There have been days where I feel absolutely hopeless, losing interest in the things I once loved. Just utterly depressed and wanting to escape my life. I had no real reasons to feel this way.. I just did. I know now that I should have gone to the doctor about this.. but instead I decided to pray. I decided to talk about it with my husband and now with some close friends. It's more common then we think. As you may have been journeying with my through my blog; I have noticed the sense of hopelessness in my past posts. It was so real and so convincing that my life sucked. So much that inside I felt like I couldn't take it any more. Again, I decided to pray; to be in community, sharing the struggles and anxieties that I still wrestle with has also helped my mind recover. It's go...

Well hello there! Thank you for reading my blog for the past couple months so far. Keeping on with a small part of my journey through life and marriage. I appreciate you reading! I don't know what it is but lately (the past two weeks) but I have really felt joyful. Not feeling hopeless during my day but feeling renewed, optimistic. Usually this time in the year I get a bit more discouraged then the rest of it. The snow seems like it's always going to stay and the cold is not my favourite. Especially gloomy days like this I just wish I had some mountains to look at. haha I'm excited though, for the future, for today. There is so much to be thankful for. :) I might sound a lil bit mushier then usual but I'm feeling a bit more happy, or for a better word... content. Sure I'd love to be living in a valley surround by mountains and ocean.. but for now Regina, where life is good. Me and Luke are in a great spot. We feel stable, where we live, who's around us. Th...

Sometimes tears are good. In the midst of sadness and hurt they cleanse the soul. Having a moment sitting on our shag carpet, legs crossed, thinking of the past.. Looking at my husband through watered eyes I bore my heart to him in a way I was always too afraid to ever do. My fear of rejection, still runs deep. I still struggle with it. But I finally was able to pin point when it came about. Those last two years of high school was some of the worst of my young life. Where feeling accepted was a rarity. The rejection from others that I experanced had damaged the way I had seen God, myself and others. In those moments it brings me joy that my head is not hung in shame but held high knowing that this is what recovery looks like. Finally opening up the chambers in my heart that have been kept under heavy lock and key has brought so much freedom. Im so thankful for the loving arms of my husband who wipes my tears and listens to me. I don't know what I'd do with out Luke. He'...

This last two weeks have been so good for me. Relaxing and getting rest that i definitely needed after months of stress and big change. Things are kinda dying down for me and I feel like my heart of all things has finally stopped racing trying to play catch up. We all invest in our lives. We invest in our family's, spouses, financially, friendships and in the end what do we have. A life where we invested in all the wrong places, because we're not perfect and we are going to make mistakes. But again as I was thinking through this I began to realize that my false expectations that I have made up and put on people has made me invest foolishly. I look to people, my husband to give me some sort of validation as a human being, as a wife. That I'm doing a good enough job just to get by. But God opened the eyes of my heart yesterday, in a spit second I came to the true understanding that to be a better person, a better wife is not just doing whatever everyone wants me to do, but ...