+ Choose Joy +

So lately, I've been extremely humbled by God grace. Not in a small way but in a "I've dealt with these things for a long time and God I need help" kinda way. Since I can remember, I've always dealt with having maybe a little more anxiety then the "normal" person. I struggle with fear everyday. It's all I've known all I can remember feeling since a young age. Due to the fact that I moved around so much in my growing up years it seemed to grow this fear of rejection and failure in my life. Moving place to place brings a certain amount of worry and stress upon a person to fit in and be accepted. As the years went by the need to be accepted has grown and grown as it has become an idol in my life. I'm going to be real, even a look or a tone in someones voice can make me feel like absolute garbage, like I'm not wanted at all. Especially from those who are closest to me. It hurts the most. It brings me to a level of rejection and loneliness I h...

I guess little update is needed since it's been around a month since I posted. I feel like I blinked and woah, another month of my life is now the past. It's been a roller coaster an emotional one at that but with me, they're usually involved. Some big things that have happened, I found out how yucky my heart can be, God has reveled so much sin that I seriously need to keep working on with Him. Me and Luke got a second vehicle, I got a new job that I will start in about two weeks which is one of the most bitter sweet things of my life. I love the girls I work with but my heart is not in the work, God's leading me else where. To an administrative job in Regina Soccer offices. Something I'm super passionate about. I can't wait to have a small new beginning. :)  Also I chopped my hair, kind of a big step for me since I've had long hair for so longgg. I think this past month has had a theme of small new beginnings. It's time to start over in small ways. I th...

Where the heck has this month gone? October seemed to just creep up on me this year. This month has been busy so free time has been hard to find, I haven't been blogging. Every year Luke's family goes to Sylvan Lake AB to gather for thanksgiving which was a wonderful time. A week later my mom and brother came to visit. So wonderful as I hadn't seen them since the wedding. Also my cousin Hannah got engaged to our good friend Nathan. So exciting! But through this busy time, I have put God aside in my life. I have no excuses, no good reasoning for this. And yes, it has shown that it effects the way I live, the things I say, the things I do. I have not been a good ambassador of Christ. So Jesus, please forgive me for my apathy... I have this desire to know God more, but it's that how question that always goes through my mind. But I know full well it's only my laziness to go open my bible every morning that I do not know God more. Prayer, is so powerful but I've h...

Today was probably the coldest day yet of this young fall season. So yes again, waiting for the bus God spoke to me. As I watch my breath hit the cold air and rise I think of the little things, little things that I have been blessed with. A warm jacket, the packed lunch in my bag, a good morning kiss from my loving husband, the fact that I was on my way to a job, and in that moment I realized I have SO much. There are so many that couldn't even afford the Ipod I was listening to let alone the lunch I was carrying. Through out my day God showed me moments of this truth. On the bus, there is a stop every morning at the food bank and I watch troubled people get their small share of groceries for the week. I feel awkward every time, as I listen to my worship music through two hundred dollar headphones, knowing that they couldn't even think of owning what I have. I feel, so... dirty almost, so ungrateful. I try not to look at them in the eyes because of my shame. I know in my hear...

It's seems that God always gives me words in the most unlikely times. It's usually right when I'm sitting waiting at my kitchen table, with everything done, waiting to make the trek to the bus stop, he inspires me. Now don't get me wrong, God inspires me a lot... but it's when I'm alone, he speaks to me the most. I opened up a new post page not knowing what to write. Still as I type this sentence I don't know why God wanted me to start blogging again. I was originally going to make this blog with the theme of updates on the events in my life, updating family and friends of the wonderful things that living in Regina and being married brings. Now those things are still true, but God had a different plan. It's coming clear to me, this is a place where I can share of how hard and messy being a Christian is. Yes, we paint on a false front to show people that living for Jesus is always wonderful and easy. But that is not what it's about. It's knowing t...

It's that moment, that realization that you're not where you'd like to be, not in the place that you wish you could have been by now. If I could just get there, if only I could be like that I'll be happy. But then you realize... That the journey has only begun. It's not about what you can attain, what you can accomplish in this life. Everything is meaningless, everything under the sun is going to waste away. The house you have, the way you look, the money you save. Everything will deteriorate when you pass from this life. So where is the hope? Where is the purpose? Jesus. Plain and simple.... Jesus. It's that eternal focus, knowing that our lives, are whole being were made to worship. Whether you choose to worship God or the things of this world this is what we are. You cannot deny this truth. Day in and day out we wake up go to work, come home eat, and sleep again. To what, do it all over again the next day. It's a constant cycle of going through the motion...